I look better un-naked...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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