I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I wear drunk well.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
