I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize