I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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