Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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