Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
