the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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