dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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