So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
