just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
