toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I had to cum in my sink.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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