Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize