Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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