Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
