I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
They are going to name an STD after you.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
