Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
