He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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