i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
