That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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