i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
