ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
