who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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