Define "chronic" masturbator.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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