i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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