new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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