I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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