ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
