CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize