hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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