I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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