i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize