At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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