It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
