We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
