We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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