you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
