whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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