a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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