i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize