So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
