Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
