Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize