His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
