You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
