doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
My bed smells like the plague
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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