A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
