I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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