Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
