Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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