Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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