Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
