I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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