Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You may now shotgun with the bride
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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