i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Do vagina's smell?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
