Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
