I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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