I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
