I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
