someone threw a dead crab at me
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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