there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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