well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
