you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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