Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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