I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize