Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I don't deserve a penis
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
