as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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