Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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