you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Randomize
